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Post by Blarno on Dec 12, 2018 11:35:57 GMT
We've got a couple of gammon joints and some pork, because crackling is the 3rd best thing behind bacon and sex. Turkey is ok, but it has to be slathered in gravy, otherwise it is too dry. Roasties, stuffing, parsnips and dog dicks are always there. Sprouts can get fucked, evil things.
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Post by Blarno on Dec 11, 2018 15:08:16 GMT
I know. I was as shocked as you to learn what the 2 protruberences from my childs' hips were for.
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Post by Blarno on Dec 11, 2018 14:14:16 GMT
School Mums!!! I had to pick up from school this afternoon because my wife's away on a day out with her Mum and Sister. Bloody hell, a car park full of Mum's in 4x4's who vie for position in a gladiatorial way. I let one woman out of the space she was in and was immediately overtaken by a blond driven Cayenne who then cut in, in front of the car I was letting out. Others just point blank refused to let people into the stream of cars trying to exit after pickup. I just wasn't expecting that level of tension and aggression in a school car park FFS: they are just picking up their children. They are absolutely at the pinnacle of gittish driving! Even when on duty the response you get from school run mums is arrogant, rude, defensive and sometimes just obnoxious. School run parents in general are total arseholes. They have to park as close as humanly possible to the school, lest their womb fruit has to actually use their tiny little legs. In doing so, they glady park across driveways, on verges and, my personal favourite bugbear - right on the corner of junctions. If you live less than a mile away from school, fucking walk there. I realise a lot of parents have to dash off to work after dropping off their kids - I have to on the days I drop off - but there are these amazing inventions called 'car parks'. In my manor, 2 of the 3 primary schools are right next to each other, with a large supermarket car park less than 500 yards away. Now, I must be a maverick for driving to said car park and walking Lottie up to school, then walking back to my car afterwards to go to work. In total, I probably lose 2 minutes in walking there and back and, crucially, don't spend 15 minutes fighting my way through narrow streets lined with fucking Q7s and various other 4 wheeled handbags. You never know, it might catch on.
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Random
Dec 10, 2018 20:50:18 GMT
Post by Blarno on Dec 10, 2018 20:50:18 GMT
Pulled a blinder on a cold caller today. I had the day off to finish some work on my bathroom (Mainly repairing a badly fitted bath that turned out to be even more badly fitted than I had imagined) and was halfway through when the phone rang. I was expecting it to be the wife, instead it went thus:
"Hello, is that Mr Blarno?" "Speaking, yes" "Hi, it's suchandsuch from TLC, we're a home improvement company. We spoke to Mrs Blarno last week..." "I doubt that very much, I'm gay" "......."
*mic drop
I should have stayed on the line, but I hung up.
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Post by Blarno on Dec 6, 2018 16:49:21 GMT
Yep. Mitsuoka Viewt. Horrendous looking things.
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Post by Blarno on Dec 5, 2018 23:12:54 GMT
A guy around the corner from me has 2 of those things.
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Post by Blarno on Dec 5, 2018 19:01:30 GMT
Exactly. I have already mounted 4 sets at work so I'm well practised.
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Post by Blarno on Dec 5, 2018 16:35:09 GMT
Can't fault that. I tried and tried to get Jo to buy a Micra years back instead of what she ended up with (Corsa), but she wouldn't stand for it.
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.
Dec 5, 2018 13:05:24 GMT
Post by Blarno on Dec 5, 2018 13:05:24 GMT
The front end is still wrong, like it has the headlights from a completely different manufacturer grafted on, as was popular in the Max Power scene in the early 2000s.
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Post by Blarno on Dec 5, 2018 10:44:27 GMT
As it happens, I discovered I (badly) need a new front O/S tyre, so off to ebay I went. I could get a brand new budget tyre in my size for £35 delivered, then discovered a large outlet in Kent that sells partworns of all flavours. Got this pair of Goodyear EfficientGrips (albeit of 2 different eras and tread patterns) with 5.8 and 6.5mm of tread and no repairs for £50 delivered. Total no brainer and now I can do both front tyres at the same time.
Thankfully the SAAB doesn't eat tyres like the Mondeo did (Fronts have done 20k+ and the rears were new in May) so I shouldn't have to do this very often.
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.
Dec 5, 2018 10:16:01 GMT
Post by Blarno on Dec 5, 2018 10:16:01 GMT
Put right off this car now. The A35 is now on the configurator and it's a bewildering mess. None of the options are explained in any detail and if you try and add one it gets bundled with several others that you don't want. You want the 19" wheels that prevent your A35 from looking like all the other A Class models, Sir? Well, they are only available with the Aero Package, the dark tinted windows and the AMG Night Package for £2,395. What is the Night Package, Sir? Well, the Night Package is the Night Package, isn't it!You'd also like the Matrix headlights, Sir? Well they're only available in our Premium Plus Package which is just shy of £4,000. What this means is you get lots of stuff you don't want including a sunroof, rear armrest, keyless entry etc and added to the wheels and gash Aero shite your A35 is now well over the £40K threshold, which means you'll be saddled with an extra VED bill for years. Have a good day, Sir!After further digging it appears that the Night Package IS the dark tinted windows, so the supposedly three options foisted upon a prospective buyer* if they want nicer wheels are actually only two. *this is no longer me!
I'm reminded of a line from the song Eye Of The Beholder by Metallica:
"You can do it your own way, if it's done just how I say"
I saw a new A Class yesterday and, from behind, honestly thought it was a Hyundai until I saw the badge.
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Post by Blarno on Dec 4, 2018 15:30:06 GMT
That is some weapons grade twattishness right there.
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Post by Blarno on Dec 3, 2018 20:09:10 GMT
Which is good, because if you're moving faster, no one can see you in it.
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Post by Blarno on Dec 3, 2018 16:02:01 GMT
Why are the seats trimmed with a geography teacher's blazer?
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Post by Blarno on Dec 3, 2018 15:19:26 GMT
Different and challenging is just a polite way of saying "4 wheeled dog's dinner"
Words that spring to mind with the C-HR:
Mish-mash. Incoherent. Vegan. Communication breakdown.
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Post by Blarno on Dec 1, 2018 10:36:50 GMT
I make sure I undertake people like that. I get it every day on the new Mersey crossing. The far left lane is a filter and the other 2 are normal lanes, so why do so many people sit over to the right and leave the middle lane empty?
Because they are pricks. Pricks who sit there at 59 mph despite there being no speed cameras on the bridge.
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Post by Blarno on Nov 28, 2018 20:30:25 GMT
At least it hasn't got the wanky reverse raked C pillar windows like almost every hatchback has right now.
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Post by Blarno on Nov 28, 2018 14:05:41 GMT
Really? I'm getting shades of the "Chrysler Crossfire / dog doing a dump" comparison from that rear 3/4... I'm getting shades of Mk2 Astra mixed with Mk1 Seat Leon.
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Post by Blarno on Nov 28, 2018 11:34:08 GMT
What the hell is that gearlever all about? Looks like a matchbox poking out of the centre console. Surely with the move to flappy paddles and electronically controlled full autos, the days of the lever are numbered? Shove a button or a dial in there, not something that resembles a robot's buttplug.
Also not a fan of the full width rear light. I'm seeing that a lot nowadays, just makes me think of terrible 1980s American shit heaps.
Other than that: business as usual. But I doubt I'll hanker after one like a do a 964 Carrera 4 or a 993.
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Post by Blarno on Nov 25, 2018 16:44:55 GMT
Very nice. A mate has a white DSG equipped VRS estate that I covet.
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Post by Blarno on Nov 23, 2018 13:42:40 GMT
Most of my footage will be of me, out of view of the camera, shouting at the cars in front of me for not moving away from a green light fast enough.
Honestly, why are people so bloody slow to react to a green light? It's not like the light turning green should be a surprise - that's what happens if you've been sat at a red light for any amount of time. There isn't a day goes by that I'm not sat 10-15 cars back from one particular set of lights and I am ready to move off before the 3 cars at the front of the queue are.
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Post by Blarno on Nov 23, 2018 13:36:40 GMT
If there's no 3 door, does that mean the ridiculous convertible has been dropped?
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Post by Blarno on Nov 23, 2018 11:57:12 GMT
I have thought a bout a dashcam, because I encounter many, many idiots on my way home. Ultimately, I speed far too much so I don't want to incriminate myself.
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Post by Blarno on Nov 21, 2018 14:11:01 GMT
There she blows. As I said, not strictly speaking 'mine', but only myself and 2 others are trained to use it. It would be rude not to use it to my own advantage, as I'm sure almost everybody else at work is going to do..
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Post by Blarno on Nov 21, 2018 11:41:39 GMT
Speaking of black and round, I now have (sort of) a tyre fitting and balancing machine, so I can now buy all my tyres online and not have to pay someone to fit and balance them for me. I forgot how easy and how much fun mounting tyres was.
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Post by Blarno on Nov 13, 2018 13:29:10 GMT
Why do you need three individual seats in the back? I am one of three similarly-aged children and we coped just fine in the back (right through to adulthood) in the various Volvo estates and Range Rovers my parents had? Kids nowadays have to be in a seat until a certain height/age. Phoebe is nearly 11 and is tall for her age, so she can sit anywhere like an adult. Lottie is under the height threshold and must sit on a booster seat until she reaches it. Younger kids must be in full-backed boosters with harnesses.
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Post by Blarno on Nov 13, 2018 11:57:48 GMT
Can you not get 3 individual seats in the back of an Octavia? Or have manufacturers now made it so you have to buy people carrier or posh-roader if you have more than 2 kids? We're lucky in the sense that only Lottie uses a seat now, so it makes no difference what cars we have.
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Post by Blarno on Nov 9, 2018 12:49:24 GMT
Alice In Chains touring the UK next year. I say touring, it's 3 dates, all arenas, the nearest to me being Birmingham. I'm more of a club venue kind of guy - arenas are a bit too open and lose the intimacy. I like being mere feet away from the band and the whole notion of sitting down at a gig makes no sense to me at all. I like to move around, dance a little, wander off for a beer if I feel like it. £58 a ticket as well, so I have some big thinking to do. AIC are one of my favourite bands and I would really like to see them again, especially as they have released 2 corking albums since the last time I saw them.
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Post by Blarno on Nov 8, 2018 11:24:06 GMT
Or running away from things helps. Dogs or irate husbands and suchlike.
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Post by Blarno on Nov 6, 2018 9:57:01 GMT
My motivation is not wanting to be a fat knacker in my 40s. I can't/won't run anywhere as the impact plays hell with my knees, I hate gyms because they are usually full of shiny men getting as big and triangular as possible, and swimming is something I do on holiday. So, the bike it is. That and hoiking engines and gearboxes around at work.
I'm lucky in that I have a mega metabolism and I've all but given up the booze. Aside from a couple of beers here and there at a wedding or after a hard week at work, I don't touch the stuff. I worked out a while back that I drink less in 3 months than some of my friends do in a week.
Diet wise, if I like it, I eat it and try not to eat too much of it.
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